SO HEAVEN LOOKS LIKE THE INTERIOR OF AN AMBULANCE, HUH?

Y

es, it is me.... and believe me I am SO GLAD to be here writing to you. Why? Well.... I almost wasn't.... and I mean REALLY not here... anymore...

Got the time? I'll fill you all in... go make some popcorn... gets the kids out of the room, this might not be pretty.

Ok, last Friday, after a hectic day of blogging and other important things I had to do I was sitting and catching up on reruns on TV like any normal swinging, bachelor like me was doing on Friday night. There I was watching TV one minute and then when I woke up I was on the floor in between my sofa and coffee-table.

I thought... mmmmm... when did I leave the sofa and decide to lay on the floor inbetween the sofa and the table on the floor? I figured, I'd worry about it later, I had things to do... I tried to got up... Hmmmm... my legs weren't working... I wasn't getting up like a normal person would be no matter how many times I tried... I actually laid there and started to laugh in my head. "This is crazy I thought."

Okay... next idea I craweled out from the spot and onto the middle of the floor. Cool, I could stand up but not really well. I made it to my little office here, sat in my big black chair and began to type something I was working on... I began to type and looked at the screen and saw this "hfnddy ytuie jksoournfm" or something to that effect. I sat back and thought I said, "Holy crap!", except it came out as: "ghdutmv dgutq."

Now there are some things I am extremely smart in doing... this wasn't one of those moments. I combed my hair, blah, blah, blah. Out the door, hopped in my car and off I went. As long as I didn't talk or try and spell anything, I was doing good.

To make a long story short, I spotted a mini-service emergency room which was a part of the HUGE Saint Luke's Hospital here in the Medical Center in Houston. I parked and went it. The guard at the desk handed out a clip board for me to fill out... I distincly said to him: "nfjjdhs ghtuwqwkk dlkun". He looked at me like I was some idiot on a weekend pass. I looked at him and distinctly said: "kiiy hshcbnc jjjkhkdd" and pointed to my headed. Just then a nurse came walking by and noticed something was amiss and asked if she could be of assistance. Of course I thought and told her my predicament. "hggurt ghdfjske mmmkh" Ah hah, she obviously could understand gibberish because she immediately put me in a wheelchair and pushed me by all of the people that were waiting for hours. I was finally someone important!

I was a Code Blue, or Red, or Purple, but anyway people came... pronto. I think the janitor even ran into the room.

Once on the table I think I began hurling epithat's around like a drunken sailor... "mbmmbjj dgetz khldg!" Now that got me some real attention and action!

Within minutes, I was being rushed out the door and hustled into a waiting ambulance. Maybe they decided to get rid of me and sent me to another hospital?

Whirlllll, ring ring or however you make siren sounds, -insert your own sound - in my head I pictured red lights flashing, cars careening off the streets in order to get out of my way. Then all of a sudden... the siren's stopped, no more red flashing lights... They do that when you've died in the ambulance! Oh my God... I've died on the way to the hospital?

No, not quite... "Wow, I've hit the bigtime!" in smack dab in the middle of Houston's reknown Medical District at Saint Luke's Hospital

In they wheel me with people on both sides of the wheel table thing. Like you see on TV, with people running the person on the stretcher down the corridors. I get put in a room and doctor's and talking to me... I thought this would be a good time to tell them about my symptoms, "fhhjjdju ggnfff tjku, hhhfgdgd." I felt good... all the doctors and nurses nodded in agreement, hanging on every word.

Next idea? They gave me a pen to write what was wrong... bad idea... if you think my speech was goofy, you should have seen the new heirogylphics I created!

We tried sign language... that worked out a bit better. They asked how long ago this happened and I held up some fingers. I don't remember how many I held up but they decided it was not in the window of opportunity to give that new drug they have that will undue a stroke or something. The problem no one could figure how long I was on the floor before I woke up... including me. For the first time in my life I must have finally sounded like a "babbling idiot." LOL

Hmmmm... ok, I think this is it for now and I know you are on the edge of your seat, chewing your fingernails....

Tomorrow: Excuse me Nurse, you're going to shove that thing where???... and the 25 year old nymphomaniac!

While I have tried to make this article somewhat humorous and entertaining, (if you know me, then you know that this is how I try and cope with life) there are however some under-lying, extremely serious situations here... with me or anyone else.

While I poke fun at myself I would never poke fun of anyone else with a serious situation like a stroke, or any other life threatening situation. I am trying to present my experience in a lightful, but serious manner... And while giving you some general knowledge of what it's like to experience a stroke... well, you get the idea.

I'm certainly not going to preach... research the signs of a stroke, educate yourself and never try to be a dope like me and drive yourself to a hospital, call 911 for the obvious reasons. The life you save may be the family in the car alongside you... going to the zoo for a family fun day.

Labels: Stroke