THE DOCTOR TOLD ME TO DO IT!
A
nd we all know how I follow my doctor's orders. Labels: True Lame Excuses
He told me he wanted me to begin strenthening my heart and try to revive the few brain cells left in my head. I have been awake all night doing just that. It is now 2:45AM... I have put out every effort adhering to his medical advice.
I've been talking to two naked females on their and mine computer cameras throughout the night. I may have over-worked my heart and my brain a bit too much.
I seriously need to rest now.
NO WONDER DEPRESSION IS ON THE RISE
D
epression has got to been on the rise in this country. Many people sit down to breakfast and coffee first thing in the morning... pick up the morning newspaper... and: Labels: Unbelievable
Nine U.S. soldiers killed in Iraq suicide attack
Six held under anti-terrorism law
Hamas fires rockets into Israel despite truce
Police: Gunman Sent Obituary In E-Mail Before Shooting
Arson Suspected In Needville School Fire
NASA Employees Return To Work After Shooting
Gun Found In Locker At Middle School
Geez, know what I am saying? Can we have a newspaper with only good news? Is it no wonder people in the US are going haywire... I picked up a newspaper for one of my all time favorite places... Belize. The main headline on Page 1 was: "School has new classroom, lunch room next." Hmmmmm....
HOSPITAL HUMOR
Y
es, it's the weekend. Someone just emailed me and I thought it was cute. So now I am taking my time to take some of your time. Labels: Humor
A woman called a local hospital. "Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients. I'd like to find out if a family member is doing better."
The voice on the other end said, "What is the patient's name and room number?"
"Sarah Finkel, room 302."
"I'll connect you with the nursing station."
"3-A Nursing Station. How can I help You?"
"I'd like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in room 302."
"Are you a family member?"
"Yes, Yes I am.."
"Hold on.. let me look at her records... Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, she is to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and, if she continues this improvement, looks like Dr. Cohen is going to send her home very soon!"
The woman said, "What a relief! Oh, that's fantastic... that's wonderful ne ws!"
The nurse said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you are a sister or perhaps an aunt..?"
"Neither!
I'm Sarah Finkel in 302!.. and NOBODY ever tells me shit!"
I RECOMMEND NOT BUYING THIS PARENTING BOOK
J
esus, this heading goes under, "how not to speak to your child". The below quote pretty much says it all. Labels: Parenting
"Once again, I have made an ass of myself trying to get to a phone. You have insulted me for the last time! You are a rude, thoughtless pig. I don't give a damn that you're 12-year-old or 11-year-old, or a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass who doesn't care about what you do as far as I'm concerned...The crap you pull on me with this goddamn phone situation that you would never dream of doing to your mother, and you do it to me constantly over and over again!" The father added that he should fly to the west coast "for the day just to straighten you out on the issue."
The mother and her lawyer leaked this sealed material in violation of a court order. According to the father's comment afterwards, "acknowledges that he should have used different language in parenting his child, everyone who knows him privately knows what he has been put through for the past six years."
Some Hollywood divorce's can really get nasty. The people involved Alec Baldwin, his ex-wife Kim Bassinger and their daughter, Ireland.
Man, I am so glad people outside of Hollywood conduct their business in normal manners.Observations and Questions
Born this date in 1949 Jessica Lange Cloquet MN, actress (King Kong, Tootsie). And in the death notices today in 1996 Christopher Robin Milne bookseller/son of writer A A Milne (Winnie the Pooh), dies at 75.Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
None that I like TodayHolidays and Special Dates Today Around the World
OH LOOK! I GOT A SPEEDY RECOVERY LETTER FROM THE HOSPITAL
K
inda close... it was a portion of my bill! Yikes, it would feed a small country. They must think my name is Rockefeller... Laugh, are the in for a surprise! Labels: Stroke
I am probably behind the times so to speak since I normally go to the VA Hospital here in Houston and pay $0 for medical emergencies and/or treatments. However, this time it was an emergency as y'all know and there wasn't time to go all the way to the VA... so instead I hit Saint Luke's Hospital here in the medical center. Excellent hospital and one of the leading places in the U.S.
In case you're interested, here are some of the itemized charges:
$2,445.00 Room and Board - Semi-Private
$1,650.00 Intensive Care
$215.00 Pharmacy
$590.00 Med-Surgical Supplies
$4,327.00 Lab
$1,943.00 CT Scan
$5,602.00 OR Services
$862.00 Speech Therapy
$665.00 ER
$2,625.00 Cardiology
$6,786.00 MRI
$1,453.00 Drugs
$282.00 EKG/ECG
and the kinda really big one... Radiology Diagnostics --- $10,261.00
Grand Total = $39,706.35
This is only the first of I think 5 different bills. LOL
I'll be posting my mailing address in case anyone would like to donate food since I will be poor! LOLObservations and Questions
Born this date in 1946 Tim Curry Cheshire England, actor (Rocky Horror Picture Show). And in the death notices in 1987 Hugh "Lumpy" Brannum Actor (Mr Green Jeans), dies at 77.Birth Announcements and Dusty Death Notices
Cuba : Bay of Pigs Victory Day (1961) Holidays and Special Dates Today Around the World
England : Primrose Day
Sierra Leone : Republican Anniversary Day (1971)
Uruguay : Landing of the 33/Desembarco de los "Treinta y Tres" (1825)
US : John Parker Day (1775) honors minutemen
Venezuela : Declaration of Independence Day
WHY DO WE GIVE THEM A FREE PASS?
W
e see it all the time... a celebrity commits a crime, goes to court, fined, or dismissed... etc. While you or I, go to jail. It's time it stops! Labels: Celebrities
A Los Angeles judge ordered Paris Hilton to clear her calendar on May 4 and show up in court, where she may face jail time for a probation violation charge. She may face 90 days in jail. It would serve her good. Someone needs to show her she is not queen of the world, or her little party circle.
A few weeks ago, she was allegedly speeding down Sunset Boulevard with the headlights of her $190,000, 2007 Bentley Continental GTC Convertible. She claims she didn't know that she wasn't allowed to drive because her license was suspended due to a previous court date. Is everyone in Parisworld as stupid as she possibly seems or is it just me?
Obviously she has a ton of air blowing through that head. If it were you or I in court, I am pretty sure the Judge wouldn't buy our story and we would be bunking partners with whomever for the next 90 to 120 days.
Maybe if she gets some jail time, her cellmates will introduce her to some shower humility. Hmmm, and someone please take a waterproof cam in with them?Observations and Questions
ONCE AGAIN DEATH REACHES OUT TO US
T
his time Death's hand reaches down but this time onto the campus of Virginia Tech. Horror, shock, disbelief, immense sorrow and sadness. Labels: Death
So many exciting careers, the good they could have done in this world. Any one of them we could have read in the newpapers of tomorrow of how they discovered something... now we never will.
You really, really wonder sometimes. It seems more and more and more lately my eyes glance skyward, simply a "why?" slips past my lips. Sigh.Observations and Questions
NYQUIL IS A VERY
C
heap high! Yes folks, the truth is out... I think I may become a Nyquil junkie! Since last we spoke, which was Friday I have had a pain in my back... not that low... but higher up in my shoulder blade. On a scale of 1 to 10, which 10 being the highest... this pain is a 15. I am talking excruciating... Labels: True Lame Excuses
It's like right inbetween my shoulder blade and the other bone... know where I mean? I've taken pain pills the Dr. prescribed for various aches and pains.. and zippo... nothing. Finally, I found some Nyquil... expiration date? Who cares... since I lost the plastic cap, I took a swig from the bottle.... in less than 10 minutes I started to feel good. LOL!! What pain? What shoulder-blades? Do I even have shoulder blades?
All weekend as soon as I flinched in pain... down went another swiggerie-pooh! I haven't felt this good in months. Swiggerie-pooh? I think I just coined a new word!
I've been awake since 12:30AM bouncing around the internet, getting into trouble at every turn. Some of you people need to be on at the same time I am and can get into trouble with me.
And now I am not even sure what this blog post was even about?
Is there a Nyquil Abuse support group?
IT IS 12:15 AM
D
o you know where I am? Yes, I am sitting right here typing my blog article. Why? Because while all of you are dreaming and sleeping I am wide awake. I tried a while ago... tossed and turned. Nothing... Labels: Boredom
And worse yet, I can't think of a thing to write about either! So why am I writing this now? Because if I wait until I wake up, which is what I usually do... then I won't have anything to write about... at least thing way I can complain and moan and groan about sitting wide awake with nothing to write about.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Blah, blah, blah, blah.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Blah, blah, blah, blah.
You are so lucky I don't have any of your phone numbers.
P.S. When I published this I realized that today is Friday the 13th! Geez, I could have written a whole deal of Friday the 13th things. Shame I already had written this article.
UPDATE: It's 1:51 AM and I am still awake.... bah humbug!
Just checking in... 4:02 AM
GREETINGS... YOU'RE DRAFTED
Y
es, yesterday was an anniversary of sorts for me. What 17 or 18 year old teenager waited for the postman to deliver that letter to end all letters. I remember the day well and I didn't even have to open the letter from the U.S. Selective Service board. My parents were seated in the living room pretending to watch TV as I picked up the envelope.
Forty-one years ago yesterday I avoided the draft. I didn't have the money to head for Canada, so I did the next best thing... I joined the Navy. Little did I know how people could change in an instant. The officer politely escorted us into a room where we raised our right hands and swore allegiance to the U.S. No sooner was my hand down and it started... from that moment on, the next 4 years would never be my life again. The first thing I remember being told, "If the Navy wanted to have your mother with you, the Navy would have issued you a mother. If the Navy wanted to issue you a girlfriend they would have issued you one...
I can remember someone telling me way back then... Years from now you'll only remember the good times. BALONEY!... I remember every antagonizing moment.
But I cannot get upset about things any more since my last hospital stay last week.
WAKE UP MR. SHANE, HERE'S YOUR SLEEPING PILL
S
ome of the things that I noticed during my recent stay at the hospital... after a long, hard day doing patient/hospital things like being poked and prodded... I was ready for a good night sleep, yeah right... Labels: Stroke
I guess about 10 o'clock I was getting drowsey, found a nice comfortable position. Or as comfortable as possibly with all of the wires, etc, sticking out of me... I couldn't have been more than 10 minutes just drifting off to sleep when my nurse came in, turned on the light above my bed... Mr. Shane, wake up here's your sleeping pill. Why, why, why? Do they turn on that huge light and flood my bed with light?
Two hours later, after taking my sleeping pill, the light comes back on... Hello Mr. Shane, I'm Doctor Mengela... How are you feeling? Now remember, I just had a stroke and my voice and talking wasn't that great, jdjkek; rii,.s uyoff... To which the doctor replied, Hmmmmmmm... we'll stop by to see you in the morning. That was it? He woke me up for that?
I think it was about 2 AM... the flood light comes back on... it's my nurse again... I'm sorry to woake you up there Mr. Shane, I have to take your blood pressure and temperature. Now they not only wake me up to do this, they she tells me my blood pressure and temperature... do I really care at 2 o'clock in the morning? I didn't care at 2 in the afternoon, let alone in the middle of the night.
Now I am not comfortable and I need to find a new sleeping position. I change positions a few times and begin to drift...
Guess what happened at 4 AM? Hi there Mr. Shane, I need to take your gloucose levels since you have diabetes.
At 6AM, they start all over again.
Good Morning there Mr. Shane, how did you sleep?
Please someone tell me they have similar experiences?Observations and Questions
EVER COMPLAIN THERE'S NO DECENT RESTAURANTS?
N
ow you can't complain anymore. Actually this eatery isn't new but I just spotted it... so it's new. Yes, you may need to drive a little way since it is in the Maldives! But sooooooo worth the view. Located at the Hilton Maldvies Resort and Spa, Rangali Island, the restaurant is called Ithaa - a word meaning "pearl" in the local Dhivehi language. Labels: Eating Out
It's totally underwater! I think it's 7 meters undersea level. I'm not sure what 7 meters is... but it is sumberged. Complete with fish and sea life all around it.
The restaurant is completely submerged underwater. Talk about fresh seafood.
It seats 15 tables. I imagine in the event of a crack or something, with only 15 tables, there shouldn't be a long line to evacuate! Since the entire place is enclosed in glass... ummm where's the restrooms? Dinner and a show also!
Dinner ranges from $185.00 to $288.00, not including tip.
So what says we get a blogger party together this weekend?
HAPPY EASTER!!
T
omorrow, at the crack of dawn, living rooms all over the world will be covered in little pieces of easter egg candy. Chocolate bunny feet squashed into the rug and marshmellow bunny eyes all over. Labels: Holidays
Having Diabetes like I do now, Easter is regulated to the Halloween of recycled bin holidays. Sugarless candy and chocolate simply just doesn't taste right. I want my REAL easter bunny candy.
At anyway, I want to wish everyone of you a very, very Hippity-Hop Easter!
I MADE A DECISION
N
ot to drag this entire thing out. How about just the high-lights? After Friday with a first day under my belt, Saturday morning finally arrived... at around 2 AM when the nurse woke me up to take my tempterature! Labels: Stroke
Why did they after wake me up to do this? Can't the just stick the thing in my mouth when I was a sleep? Why wake me up? Of course, they have to turn on the floodlights above my bed. She not only takes my temp, but then she has to tell me what my temperature was... it's 2 AM who cares what my temp was? I only cared about at that point right then and there was that I was breathing. Lights out and back to sleep... I was just getting back to my dream (that's a posting for another time)... my eyes where just closing again... BAM... time to take some blood... huh? wha? whe? She just left? And here she is again... blood drawn... and now my eyes are wide awake... welcome Saturday morning.
Let's see now... start off with CAT scan, back to the room. I no sooner get settled back in bed and here they come for my MRI. Why can't they just take me for everything at once. Inbetween between CAT and MRI, they take more blood and more pills. I think I had given my medical history to at least 3 different people by now, including the janitor that wanted to hear all about my back operation.
Fast forward to 9PM... I settle into bed, nice and cozy... "Hi Mr. Shane... time to take you down for your chest x-ray!"
Anyway, Sunday finally arrived. My speech started to return to normal. I discovered by now I was now known as the "problem child" of the floor to all the nurses. How was I supposed to know at the same time they were either taking my blood pressure, or temp, or had to give more blood that I would also at the same time be downstairs having my smoke break?
I need my sleep... tomorrow Monday... was a big day... my Angioplasty, where they stick a needle in my crotch and take a tour of my arteries via my heart and other internal organs. All of this for the big showdown until they get to my neck with the camera and we head the spooky interiors of my brain, threw the turns and corners of old and cobwebs of past memories and dreams... so THIS is where all the answers to that 5th grade History test was hiding after all these years. Hmmm... I noticed there was a lot of empty space up here...
Oh one note... prior to insertion of the camera... the nurse had to "shave me"... as she is finishing I swear I saw a glimpse as she said, " Ya know Mr. Shane, I think we better shave the other side just in case they have to decide to insert the needle and camera on this side" I didn't notice until we were done and was back in my room and I was getting ready to take my afternoon shower... she was a smart butt and gave me my own little racing stripe!
While I have tried to make this article somewhat humorous and entertaining, (if you know me, then you know that this is how I try and cope with life) there are however some under-lying, extremely serious situations here... with me or anyone else.
While I poke fun at myself I would never poke fun of anyone else with a serious situation like a stroke, or any other life threatening situation. I am trying to present my experience in a lightful, but serious manner... And while giving you some general knowledge of what it's like to experience a stroke... well, you get the idea.
I'm certainly not going to preach... research the signs of a stroke, educate yourself and never try to be a dope like me and drive yourself to a hospital, call 911 for the obvious reasons. The life you save may be the family in the car alongside you... going to the zoo for a family fun day.
SO HEAVEN LOOKS LIKE THE INTERIOR OF AN AMBULANCE, HUH?
Y
es, it is me.... and believe me I am SO GLAD to be here writing to you. Why? Well.... I almost wasn't.... and I mean REALLY not here... anymore... Labels: Stroke
Got the time? I'll fill you all in... go make some popcorn... gets the kids out of the room, this might not be pretty.
Ok, last Friday, after a hectic day of blogging and other important things I had to do I was sitting and catching up on reruns on TV like any normal swinging, bachelor like me was doing on Friday night. There I was watching TV one minute and then when I woke up I was on the floor in between my sofa and coffee-table.
I thought... mmmmm... when did I leave the sofa and decide to lay on the floor inbetween the sofa and the table on the floor? I figured, I'd worry about it later, I had things to do... I tried to got up... Hmmmm... my legs weren't working... I wasn't getting up like a normal person would be no matter how many times I tried... I actually laid there and started to laugh in my head. "This is crazy I thought."
Okay... next idea I craweled out from the spot and onto the middle of the floor. Cool, I could stand up but not really well. I made it to my little office here, sat in my big black chair and began to type something I was working on... I began to type and looked at the screen and saw this "hfnddy ytuie jksoournfm" or something to that effect. I sat back and thought I said, "Holy crap!", except it came out as: "ghdutmv dgutq."
Now there are some things I am extremely smart in doing... this wasn't one of those moments. I combed my hair, blah, blah, blah. Out the door, hopped in my car and off I went. As long as I didn't talk or try and spell anything, I was doing good.
To make a long story short, I spotted a mini-service emergency room which was a part of the HUGE Saint Luke's Hospital here in the Medical Center in Houston. I parked and went it. The guard at the desk handed out a clip board for me to fill out... I distincly said to him: "nfjjdhs ghtuwqwkk dlkun". He looked at me like I was some idiot on a weekend pass. I looked at him and distinctly said: "kiiy hshcbnc jjjkhkdd" and pointed to my headed. Just then a nurse came walking by and noticed something was amiss and asked if she could be of assistance. Of course I thought and told her my predicament. "hggurt ghdfjske mmmkh" Ah hah, she obviously could understand gibberish because she immediately put me in a wheelchair and pushed me by all of the people that were waiting for hours. I was finally someone important!
I was a Code Blue, or Red, or Purple, but anyway people came... pronto. I think the janitor even ran into the room.
Once on the table I think I began hurling epithat's around like a drunken sailor... "mbmmbjj dgetz khldg!" Now that got me some real attention and action!
Within minutes, I was being rushed out the door and hustled into a waiting ambulance. Maybe they decided to get rid of me and sent me to another hospital?
Whirlllll, ring ring or however you make siren sounds, -insert your own sound - in my head I pictured red lights flashing, cars careening off the streets in order to get out of my way. Then all of a sudden... the siren's stopped, no more red flashing lights... They do that when you've died in the ambulance! Oh my God... I've died on the way to the hospital?
No, not quite... "Wow, I've hit the bigtime!" in smack dab in the middle of Houston's reknown Medical District at Saint Luke's Hospital
In they wheel me with people on both sides of the wheel table thing. Like you see on TV, with people running the person on the stretcher down the corridors. I get put in a room and doctor's and talking to me... I thought this would be a good time to tell them about my symptoms, "fhhjjdju ggnfff tjku, hhhfgdgd." I felt good... all the doctors and nurses nodded in agreement, hanging on every word.
Next idea? They gave me a pen to write what was wrong... bad idea... if you think my speech was goofy, you should have seen the new heirogylphics I created!
We tried sign language... that worked out a bit better. They asked how long ago this happened and I held up some fingers. I don't remember how many I held up but they decided it was not in the window of opportunity to give that new drug they have that will undue a stroke or something. The problem no one could figure how long I was on the floor before I woke up... including me. For the first time in my life I must have finally sounded like a "babbling idiot." LOL
Hmmmm... ok, I think this is it for now and I know you are on the edge of your seat, chewing your fingernails....
Tomorrow: Excuse me Nurse, you're going to shove that thing where???... and the 25 year old nymphomaniac!
While I have tried to make this article somewhat humorous and entertaining, (if you know me, then you know that this is how I try and cope with life) there are however some under-lying, extremely serious situations here... with me or anyone else.
While I poke fun at myself I would never poke fun of anyone else with a serious situation like a stroke, or any other life threatening situation. I am trying to present my experience in a lightful, but serious manner... And while giving you some general knowledge of what it's like to experience a stroke... well, you get the idea.
I'm certainly not going to preach... research the signs of a stroke, educate yourself and never try to be a dope like me and drive yourself to a hospital, call 911 for the obvious reasons. The life you save may be the family in the car alongside you... going to the zoo for a family fun day.
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