PARIS AND NICOLE IN THE NEWS
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o, no,I'm not gonna do it... No, no, I refuse... I am not gonna waste an another inch of space on these two... they'll do anything to get publicised by the Not So Normal News... Haven't I enough to make them what they are?
Hilton is now entering her sixth week as a free woman, after serving 23 days behind bars for violating probation on an alcohol-related reckless driving charge. The heiress has rebranded herself as a changed woman, volunteering at children's hospitals and making as many appearances at charitable functions as at the Hollywood clubs—which, it must be said, she has not completely forsaken.
Richie, meanwhile, is smack in the middle of her own legal nightmare, having pleaded guilty last Friday to driving under the influence of drugs following a wrong-way trip on a Los Angeles freeway last December. She was sentenced to 96 hours in jail, three years' probation, alcohol-education classes and fines.
Perhaps the experience inspired Hilton, who just confirmed she has begun rehearsals for Repo! The Genetic Opera, a musical thriller that begins filming next month in Toronto.
Oh God... please, please don't tell me Paris is gonna do opera??? 
THE 2007 "STELLA AWARDS" ARE ANNOUNCED!!
T
ime once again to review the winners of the Annual "Stella Awards."
The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's in New Mexico. That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States.
Here are this year's winners:
7th Place
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000. By a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.
6th Place
19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
5th Place
Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr.Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed, to the tune of $500,000. In my opinion this is so outrageous that it should have been 2nd Place!
4th Place
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500. And medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
3rd Place
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500. After she slipped on a soft drink and broke her. After she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tail bone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
2nd Place
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge . She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses
1st Place
This year's runaway winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the Driver's seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mrs.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually do this.
The jury awarded her $1,750,000. Plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around.
I seriously have to seriously come up with something. Got anything?
WHAT YA THINK? A BRUCE WILLIS LOOK-A-LIKE?
E
ven just a little bit? In case you have not noticed... I gave myself a light trim yesterday. I started out to do just that... clip here, clip little there... a little uneven? no problem... clip clip... clip clip... the more I trimmed the worse it got.
I just need to break down and try to not save money by going to the barber. Last summer I did the same darn thing and ended up with the same results. A barber I'm not.
OK, yes or no? Should I go for the new, bold look? Be honest! Can't be worse than the looks and under the breath comments at the grocery store. Heathens. lol
N.B. Yes, the sunglasses are to protect my eyes from the glare of the 40 watt bulb bouncing off my head.
AFTER 18 YEARS AND 400 EPISODES...
H
omer and family is set to splash across the big screen... this very Friday! All of the residents of Springfield, that we have come to love and hate, will be on hand to take part in the long-awaited, much anticipated screen flick of The Simpsons Movie. Labels: Entertainment
I will actually go see it maybe after the crowds die down a bit. Yes, I've watched the show for... well... 18 years, including re-runs. You've got to hand it to the production staff for not allowing the show to recycle plots and story lines as many longtime shows have done in the past.
Some people may think I am a nitwit for spending money for this movie, but after this year's news, big and small, I am ready to be entertained, amused and even laugh out loud maybe...
This is actually openly talked about the Simpsons... I am a closet Simpoholic... a secret my family doesn't even know about. So is my deep-rooted secret, my psychiatrist doesn't even know about it... well up until now as she faithfully reads the Not No Normal News, not because it's news-worthily but because she's finds what is really beneath my tough exterior.
Ok... a show of hands... going or not going? Can't Wait or wouldn't be caught dead seeing this movie?
SO MUCH TALK IN HOLLYWOOD
G
eez, between Lindsay Lohan, Drew Carey, the NBA ref getting death threats... where does it end? But I have found one item that has peaked my interest... for now anyway...
Seems the Matt Damon's Clean My Ride, Flex My Fuel has begun to attact more and more names to the project. Ben Affleck and wife Jennifer Gerner, Sarah Silverman, Jason Biggs and Joshua Jackson have joined...
The first video in the six-part series will be available for viewing on youtube.com and on the Clean My Ride Website starting Tuesday, with new installments to follow tomorrow and Thursday. Visitors to the site can also print out a form letter to send to Washington encouraging lawmakers to adopt a 35 mile-per-gallon fuel economy standard by 2020—a target Detroit automakers have called unachievable.
As Al Gore has helped prove, however, quite a few Hollywood types disagree with the Motown bigwigs.
"Congress bows to fear," says Affleck, "I bring the fear. Does big oil sleep around? Got bad credit? I'll find the dirt. And I will make big oil regret the day it ever uttered the words 'price gouging.'"
The Hollywoodland star's missus, Jennifer Garner, gets to wear regular clothes, however, as does Sarah Silverman, who disses her mother for driving a gas guzzler in her signature snide yet passive-aggressive way.
I hope the heck they actually can do something... or maybe begin to get into the Congress' heads.... to get out of the pockets of big oil.
AND COME ON DOWN...
Y
es you have sitting on the edge of your lawn or beach chair all summer long awaiting the news... WAIT NO LONGER!
Come on down: nope, not Rosie - nope, not George Hamilton, - nope, not of the names you have heard before... Come on down... Mr. Drew Carey!
Carey announced his new job during a taping for Monday's Late Show with David Letterman on CBS. Per Carey, negotiations wrapped up very, very shortly before he was to walk out on Letterman's stage.
"During your Harry Potter bit—honestly, it was like 15 minutes ago—they called me," Carey told Letterman. "It's a done deal. I'm the new host of The Price Is Right."
These shoes are the biggest in Hollywood to fill... Bob Barker is a legend of the game shows.
My prediction for The Price is Right? The Host is Wrong!
CANCER TOOK IT ALL......
E
xcept her spirit. And her eye makeup, according to the article... Actually, that's all the words I need to even describe this person. You all know who I am talking about, right?
Well, just in case you don't know who I am writing about... Tammy Faye died the other day.
On Thursday, CNN's Larry King Live aired a pretaped interview with an emaciated, 65-pound Messner, who complained of constant pain and an inability to keep down food. She was unrecognizable but for the darkly made up eyes that were her calling card and the punchline for countless stand-up routines. And yet, raspy voice or no, the frail woman fielding questions from King still sounded like vintage Tammy Faye.
She died the following day. I never actually followed her shows, etc... just always read about her...
"My heart aches for my two children, Jamie Charles and Tammy Sue, who loved their mother dearly," Jim Bakker said in a statement on his Website. "They both told me their mom was so full of life it is hard to believe she is gone."
On Larry King, Messner didn't flinch from the most stark of questions. She said she wanted to be cremated ("I don't want bugs to eat me"), that she felt "a little bit" scared and that she knew exactly where her next stop was.
See ya on the other side Tammy!
I'M SORRY.... ANOTHER COP OUT POSTING
E
very once in a while you know the feeling... just tapped out for ideas on the blog material. This past week has happened to me. I know, I know, some of you y'all saying 'this week'? LOL... I sure has heck hope I snack out of this blah feeling by the weekend. Anyway, just to have something for the emptyness of space I am putting a joke... to fill space so y'al get your money's worth! ;)
After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men: he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women: she loved to browse.
One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.
Dear Mrs. Fenton:
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares - get on it right away."
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15 : Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by usi ng different sizes of funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
And last, but not least,
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
I AM AVAILABLE
S
ince the summertime of picnicking, BBQ's, etc upon us... and you are thinking about how to entertain your friends.... you may consider the article below.
If you're looking to book Al Gore for a 75-minute "Environmental Multimedia Lecture," the former vice president will cost you $100,000, plus travel, hotel, security, and per diem expenses. Gore's standard speaker's contract, also stipulates that the Democrat's ground transportation be "a sedan, NOT an SUV." Additionally, Gore requests that speech sponsors make every effort to use a hybrid vehicle for his transport.
The Gore contract, which is more restrained than the one used by Rudolph Giuliani, stipulates that no press be permitted at the event and that the Democrat receive approval over the distribution of photographs from the appearance.
Don't like Al Gore? No problem... call upon me... that's right I am available to give an equally rousing speech or talk, assuming I get enough beer beer provided at the event. I can talk abut anything! You give me the topic you want me to speech about... and bingo... you got yourself a speech!
I am so more reasonable than Gore. Air to be included, cab from airport to your house, sleeping arrangements at your house, with breakfast, lunch and dinner to be included. I just thought... I'd need some spending money while I am official duty in order to research things related to the speech topic!
Use my email to book me. Hurry! I foresee my calendar filling quickly!
THE NEXT TIME YOU WHINED ABOUT NOT PARKING
P
ease be happy you don't live in New York City. If I lived and worked in NYC, I would move. Really.... Read below and well, you'll know what to say...
For $225,000 you can buy a Maserati Victory, a purebred Arabian racing horse and in many parts of the country, a nice home.
In Orlando, Fla., you could get "a beautiful two- or three-bedroom house in a gated community with a two-car garage and a front yard," said Bonnie Lindenbaum, a real estate broker.
But in New York City $225,000 will get you an 18' by 9' parking space in the basement of a new condo building going up in the Chelsea neighborhood.
"Is there a couch and a kitchen and a stove down there too?" joked one Manhattan resident.
Over the past 50 years the number of cars in the United States has more than tripled, but construction of parking garages hasn't kept pace.
And in space-starved Manhattan, a parking space is considered prime real estate. There's actually a waiting list for the $225,000 spot.
Paul Vinci is an insurance salesman who bought bought his parking space for $90,000 two years ago.
People thought he was nuts, until he was offered $150,000 for it three months later. He considered selling the space, but now he's glad he didn't
"So to hear today, that it's gone up another $100,000, I'm very happy," Vinci said.
Some people who don't even own cars are buying parking spaces in New York as an investment and renting them out.
But the parking madness isn't just a New York thing. In Boston, parking spaces can go for as much as $175,000, and in Chicago, people pay up to $75,000.
Did your mouth drop open?
IN HONOR OF THE 100,000 VISITOR...
H
ow can I gently say why I don't have a blog entry this morning? Actually I have a few reasons....
1. It poured so really bad this morning I couldn't turn on the computer.
2. As a result of the rain downpour my roof leaked and dripped into my computer.
3. I was all up night drying the machine off.
4. Then the electrical went off.
5. All of the above.
It any of them sound OK? Fairly reasonable? If you were a school teacher, would you buy any of this?
Actually, don't make any difference... the truth is I am lazy and didn't write one. I swear that is the truth.
AND THE 100,000th BLOGGER WAS....
W
ell, I came on the blog and the visitor total was 100,025. So I went into the stats counted back 25 visitors and the winner was... Cheeky of the witty and enjoyable Snow Trapped Southern Girl blog. Labels: 100 000 Celebration
If you have not visited Cheeky, please go and congratulate her! I was considering awarding her an all expense paid vacation to Minnesota but it wasn't in my budget.
Anyway, there is nothing in my budget (Sorry hon!)... therefore Cheeky... no prize for you... maybe by the time I hit 200,000... we'll see.
Okay, it's 2:07 AM and it's time for me to do something constuctive. Like, thuming, thumping, thumping my head against my desk. :)
THUMP, THUMP, THUMP
C
an you guess what that sound is? Listen... thump, thump, thump... C'mon, play along... thump, thump, thump. You give? I'm not gonna tell ya. Labels: 100 000 Celebration
Well, today is the big day... when my little blog hits 100,000.
I thought about going out with a big finish... like TV shows that end their runs on a high note. Look what a big end did for Sex and the City... and they making a movie for the big screen. My big wish is for the movie... will Carrie appear nude like her co-stars? As devotees of the show know... she was the only one in the show that did not appear nude or even half-nude. What a let-down... Oh come on girls, even y'all wanted to see her undressed.
As far as a celebration goes today... shrug... maybe I'll take an extra dose of depression pill... lol Wheeeeee.
Or to hell with the diabetes and have one of those cheese-cherry cakes I have been dribbling about every time I go to the supermarket. Why it is everything I want is bad for me? What a sucky celebration this is gonna be!
Back to the original question. It is 12:30AM in the morning... what do think is the thump, thump, thump is?
AGAIN MY DAYS AND NIGHTS ARE MIXED UP
O
nce again my days and nights are all mixed up. I woke up and looked out the window... so dark, ready to storm and downpour at any moment. As I am standing in front of my bathroom mirror I think to myself that I better get to the store before I get stuck and can't get out.
First to Walgreens. There was a lot of people in there for this time of the morning... shrug. In the same shoping center is the supermarket. I better stop in and get dish washing detergent, lunch meant, etc. I noticed there was only cashier on duty. That's odd for this time of the day... usually there are a few of them getting ready to take of the early morning shoppers heading to work.
I grab my things, check out and figure I better hurry home before the clouds and lightening roll in and the deluge start. Once back at my apartment I can smell BBQ and spot where it was coming from and a few girls sitting sitting around a table. I thought that odd they were BBQ'ong that this time of the morning. Maybe they were having a party and hurrying to get the food cooked.
Safety back in my apartment I start to put the food away. In the meanwhile I start my coffee brewing. I love smelling freshly brewed coffee in the morning. Coffee done, food is put away... I pour the coffee into the cup and head into the den to sit down at the computer, to start my day. I take a sip of the coffee.... mmmmm so good. My eye glances down at the time in the corner of the computer...
10:30 PM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What????? My computer must be wrong. Maybe the battery has finally slowed down. I looked at my watched... 10:30 PM... no, no, no I jumped up and looked at the clock in the livingroom. 10:31 PM. Oh My God!!!!!!
I hate having my days and nights getting mixed up!
IT STARTED WITH ONE VISITOR
T
he year was ????... I forgot now... strokes have a funny have of erasing some memories... oh well... it was in the 2000's anyway. 99638 visitors have read the Not So Normal News. Since that very first posting about my Christmas lights, the News has enjoyed visitors from every continent in the world.
Damn. I honestly don't know how the numbers have gotten so big.
I actually remember getting 100 comments every day. It was getting out of hand and I couldn't keep up every day, with commenting and then visiting them and commenting on their blogs as well. I was writing and commenting in my head in my dreams. LOL
In a way, I'm happy where the commentors are right now. It's hard to get around to the blogs with the strokes. In if I don't always to them, you're forgive me. But I still enjoy your visits and comments just the same.
Will, here's to the next 100,000 (which it should turn 100,000 sometime early next week).
Thank you, each and one of you!!
Denny
ME... ME... LITTLE DENNY SHANE FROM FISHTOWN IS A WHO'S WHO IN AMERICA!
Y
es indeedy fellow Bloggers, I finally hit the big-time... no, wait a minute... the BIG TIME. I have been selected by the following company to be placed in the upcoming issue of their book! Yes, me... little Denny from Fishtown! I can't wait to call all of my family back home!
Now, before you get all a goo-goo about knowing a life-size big whig... the letter says it is a free inclusion. That is true... they have left out the part that if I would like my very own printed book with real leather bookcovers and maybe gold-leaf page ends... well, who wouldn't come up with about $350.00 to get this honor in a book that no one will ever read?
Dear Denny,
You were recently appointed as a biographical candidate to represent your industry in the Madison Who's Who Among Executives and Professionals, and for inclusion into the upcoming 2007-2008 Honors Section of the registry. 
We are pleased to inform you that on May 17th, your candidacy was approved. Your confirmation for inclusion will be effective within five business days, pending our receipt of the enclosed application.
The Office of the Managing Director appoints individuals based on a candidate's current position, and usually with information obtained from researched executive and professional listings. The director thinks you may make an interesting biographical subject, as individual achievement is what Madison Who's Who is all about. Upon final confirmation you will be listed among thousands of accomplished individuals in the Madison Who's Who Registry. There is no cost to be included.
We do require additional information to complete the selection process and kindly ask that you access this form on our website at:
Click here to register
Or you can manually enter this address into your web browser:
http://www.madisonwhoswho.com/basiclisting
To ensure your biographical data is received in time, please complete the online form above as soon as possible. Our editorial deadline is quickly approaching.
Sincerely,
Matthew Johnson
Managing Editor
Ok... I am now taking donations to put me in the book! Don't all crowd in at once! How much should I put to you down for? LOL
HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!
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e're here once again... another 4th of July is upon us.
Years ago the 4th of July meant us celebrating our independence from Great Britain... now the Brits are our friends... our best friends throughout the entire world.
And one can take the option that Great Britain is our ONE friend in the world... who does not ask anything from us, maybe friendship.
I sit back and wonder what happened to us around the world? I mean, the whole world was with us on 9/11. What happened since then? Far be it from me to point fingers, for many reasons.
Now we celebrate the 4th of July, not as our independence, but a day of swimming, picnicking, family get-togethers, patriotic decorations, sparklers... I would love to see our country go back to era when we extend our hand to the needy of the world... only because they need help.
Not because they just want a free handout, and we need a area of ground to put our missiles... This world is getting smaller and smaller by day....
We need to find, honestly, a way to live in together in harmony. Shrug....
But anyway, have a safe and a Happy 4th of July!
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